Inkheart: A Summary
by AnimaticGirl
Summary: Yeah, I couldn't resist. Why read the book when you could read this? Because the book will give you a better idea of what it's all about. But read this anyway. Oops it's all in bold...I'll fix that.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Inkheart. I didn't write it, either. I wish I owned Basta though ;)**

**A/N: Yeah…this probably won't be funny. But I was sitting there, thinking 'I'm going to get Inkspell tomorrow, and then I won't be able to write many more fanfics for Inkheart, I'll have to do Inkspell. So, why not start one that I'll be able to continue even after I read Inkspell? And so I decided to do a little summary of the whole book. It's meant to be funny. "Meant" being the key word. If I get but one laugh, I'll be happy. Really. I will.**

**This is slightly inspired by Carmane's hilarious "Why Not?" parody on Artemis Fowl. I'd read it if I were you. That is a fanfic that IS actually funny.**

**INKHEART: A SUMMARY**

**CHAPTER 1: A STRANGER IN THE NIGHT**

**Rain: I am fine and whispering, and apparently memorable.**

**Dog: I bark.**

**Meggie: I appear to have insomnia.**

**Book: I am under Meggie's pillow.**

**Mo: I am a little concerned that my daughter thinks books are talking to her.**

**Meggie: I am reading long after my bed time. I am also disobeying my father by hiding a box of matches in my bedside table, and using them to light candles.**

**Candles on windowsill: There are five of us.**

**Meggie: I am about to light a candle when I hear footsteps. Afraid that I may be caught disobeying my father and lighting a match, I blow it out and kneel by the window.**

**Description of Dustfinger: I am vague and uninformative, but manage to mention that the stranger is very wet, although he seems to be ignoring this fact.**

**Meggie: I consider alerting my father that there is a trespasser in our yard, but am too lazy to do anything about it.**

**Dustfinger: I turn my head.**

**Meggie: I am scared that a stranger who has come into my yard will see me in my own house, and go out into the corridor barefoot, with no consideration to the book I have now left on the floor.**

**The month of May: I am nearly over.**

**House: I am old and chilly.**

**Information about Meggie and Mo: I am taking up ink and paper space.**

**Dustfinger: It has been clarified that my presence in the yard is not a dream.**

**Book: I am bound in pale blue linen.**

**Meggie: There's someone in the yard!**

**Mo: I doubt my daughter's sincerity and give the reader the impression that I think she is slightly deluded.**

**Piles of books: We appear all over the house. A large paragraph is dedicated to describing us.**

**Mo: I further ridicule my daughter and imply I think her mentally unstable.**

**Meggie: I assume the figure is a burglar, which is a rather unfair accusation to make as I have no proof of **

criminal activity.

**Mo: I inform her that he is a visitor, and expect her to go back to bed after I have just informed her that there is a strange man here to see me.**

**Meggie: Once again, I disobey my father and follow him downstairs.**

**Mo: **I open the door.

**Meggie: I ponder whether "Dustfinger" is a name I've heard before.**

**Rucksack: **A small furry thing is inside me.

**Dustfinger: I prove myself to be illogical by wiping my wet face with an even wetter sleeve, and greet Mo with a name I'm certain his daughter has never heard before, determined to arouse her suspicions.**

**Conversation about Meggie: I have very little point but leave large mysteries to be solved later in the book.**

**Mo: I double-lock the door.**

**Description of Dustfinger: I am far more informative, and give AnimaticGirl the impression that Dustfinger is some kind of escaped convict.**

**Meggie: It appears I have a cushy life, and am not used to discipline. It also appears that I believe people can be "washed away" by a simple bit of rain.**

**Mo: I make a promise to my daughter that I cannot necessarily keep, then shut the door of her bedroom in her face.**

**Meggie: I am listening at the door.**

**China: I clink.**

**Meggie: I hope that Dustfinger gets pneumonia, then add that I do not wish him to die of it, as I would surely not be able to cope with the guilt if such a thing did happen, because I am twelve.**

**Notice on Mo's door: I say, in old-fashioned spindly lettering: _Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly._**

**Dustfinger: My voice, apparently, is different from Mo's.**

**Mo: I have a nice voice.**

**Dustfinger: I assure Mo that someone here only referred to as "he" would do anything to get a certain book.**

**Mo: I reply that "he" can't have it because it's mine.**

**Dustfinger: I warn Mo that "he" is on his trail, but Mo ignores me. I then try a different tact and start to accuse him of not raising his daughter properly.**

**Mo: I ask Dustfinger for advice that I am clearly not going to take.**

**Dustfinger: I speak cryptically once more, leaving the reader in a sense of utter confusion.**

**AnimaticGirl: Realises how difficult it is to re-write dialogue.**

**Meggie: I do not know who Capricorn is, but am now aware that he thinks a lot of my fathers "talents".**

**AnimaticGirl: Is a little concerned by the sexual implications of this.**

"**His" men: We will get there soon.**

**Mo: I break my promise to my daughter by discreetly offering Dust finger a place to sleep. Once more, AnimaticGirl is worried about the true meaning of this request.**

**Dustfinger: I reply that the world is too fast for me.**

**Dustfinger's laugh: I am not happy.**

**Mo: I invite Dustfinger back for tea and biscuits with Meggie and I tomorrow.**

**Chairs: We scrape.**

**Meggie: I run back to bed.**

**Mo: I am terribly clever, and teach the reader's a neat trick when I ask Meggie to stick her foot out of bed to tell if she's been listening in on my conversation with Dustfinger.**

**AnimaticGirl: Would like to note that so far only Mo's and Capricorn's names have not appeared as being miss-spelt on the spellchecker, and would like to add that they may well be some of the only ones.**

**Mo: I have dark hair.**

**Meggie: I have fair hair, like my mother, whom I have only ever seen in photographs.**

**This section: Lets the reader know a little about the Folcharts, but other than that is rather pointless.**

**Meggie: I lie about not having heard anything, then give myself way by asking who Capricorn is.**

**Final paragraph of chapter: I am needlessly poetic, and once again leave many mysteries to be solved.**

**Another A/N: Yeah. Well, review to let me know if it's worth continuing. Please, because I don't want to waste my time with a fic no one likes. Anyway, looking forward to Inkspell, if anyone wants to talk about it email me from Tuesday, I should have finished it by then. I'm also interested in doing a collab with someone about the time acutally IN the Inkworld, so give me a buzz if you're interested in that. Yeah, I know, I've got to stop posting new fics and start updating my existing ones, but I can't help it. I've got chapters written for the others, and I will get them up. Promise. Sorry. Please review.**


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